Today is Cyber Monday, the day when Americans who spent Black Friday "shopping" for newly-uploaded YouTube videos of stressed-out shoppers struggling over Stuffies will log on to their favorite retail websites to buy their niece's favorite Frozen merchandise as quickly, and efficiently, as possible. Click, done.
Cyber Monday 2014 is expected to surpass in-person shopping for the first time, too. Last year, Cyber Monday raked in a staggering $1.74 billion. Yes, billion. That's a lot of Stretchkins.
What if, however, we're roaming the online mall world at work to spend money we don't have on things we don't need? It's a very modern question in a very materialistic world where the reason for the season gets lost amid the 24/7/365 spreadsheet shuffle and...what were we talking about again? Ah, yes. SHOPPING!!!! Specifically, how to do more of it online, and in less time, while we're at work.
So how do we make the most of this bits and bytes-enabled holiday buying binge? Here are five tips for hiding our Cyber Monday shopping at work:
1. Keep many screens open at once. Sure, we could dock everything on our screens, but not today! We have so many screens open at the same time in Internet Explorer that we don't know what's going on anymore, but there's a definite method to our madness. That is, we can be looking at Amazon.com but conveniently, and very quickly, slide a curiously expanded Excel document over it as a co-worker approaches. Think of it as The Electric Slide for the office environment.
2. Shop on our phones and tablets. Our workplace has some problems with our non-work-related use of the Internet during the workday, and it's conveniently blocked access to YouTube, Amazon.com and many other fun sites. Bummer.** Today is exactly what the BYOD (Bring Your Own Device) trend was made for! The company told us to start using our own devices so it can keep us working all the time. It seems only fair that we can secretly shop Overstock.com on our tablets during the boss's boring 9 a.m. Cyber Monday staff meeting. BYOD, meet BOGO.
3. Employ some creative posturing. Standing in front of our computers, leaning to one side, shifting our computer screens away from view, clasping our arms behind our heads, borrowing a high-backed executive chair because ours is "broken" -- basically, anything to block our co-workers' view of our work monitors, right? Keep moving, nothing to see here, except for the savings we're racking up on the down low. Boom, done.
4. Buy on our breaks. We have two, 20-minute breaks and a lunch break that allow us to do a bit of quick, online shopping. But aren't we supposed to leave our desks for a change of scenery? Not today! There's a 2-for-1 deal online and we're all over it. Let's hope HR doesn't get on our case.
5. Break our buying into blocks. We have a conference room meeting in five minutes, which isn't really enough time to dive into something new, or to call a long-winded client back. Short, random breaks in the workplace action present the perfect opportunity to slip on to that website to buy that stuffed Olaf from Frozen! Just do it quickly. The boss is about to do some management-by-walking-past! Talk about an opportunity cost.
Of course, we can, and ideally should, wait until we get home from work today to take advantage of Cyber Monday. But that's hours away! Right now, there are only five items left in stock at this great price with free shipping! Will this offer still exist an hour from now?!
That's the eternal, 21st-Century question in our modern holiday culture***. It could be sold out by then -- sort of like this workplace blogger selling out by suggesting sneaky, creative ways to work in some online shopping today while HR remains none the wiser. My five "tips" are all in jest, of course! This retail realist should be offering five tips for blocking out the Cyber Monday buying frenzy in order to get more work done, but that might be a tall order on a Cyber Monday that's expected to break sales records. Besides, the HR director probably just beat you to buying the very last, stuffed Olaf from Frozen. Froze oooout!
** Employers, why are you still blocking all these websites? Don't you realize you're fighting a losing battle? Come join the 21st Century. The Internet can be fun!
*** Maybe you're an early bird who got the worm by getting up at 4:30 a.m. today to do all your pre-planned online shopping before going to work, in which case you may disregard this entire blog post and invest your time in chastising co-workers wasting valuable work time today surfing Amazon.com. Happy holidays!
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