For many of us, the coffee experience is not to be trifled with on any occasion. We take our morning Joe seriously. It must be made to our specific instructions, or else.
It's easy when we can control the process by brewing our own coffee -- be it black, cream and sugar, only cream and no sugar, sugar and no cream, a spoonful and a half of sugar ONLY, hazelnut coffee creamer, vanilla coffee creamer, mocha coffee creamer, skim milk, 2-percent, whole milk, half and half, half caf half decaf, whipping cream, cinnamon, sprinkles on top.
Sprinkles are for winners, of course, and you load up on them like there's no tomorrow.
Perhaps you've gotten to know your local barista, who has your cup of coffee ready to go by the time you reach the counter. It's a mutually-beneficial arrangement representing major efficiency gains. The cup of coffee is perfection every time, too. You hope this barista never leaves you.
Now you're getting ready to take your coffee buying experience online, step by step, app by app, cup by cup, delivery by delivery, unintended workplace consequence by unintended workplace consequence.
Not to pour it on or anything, but will Starbucks delivery service risk becoming a huge workplace distraction? We'll find out soon enough in major markets like New York City. In the meantime, here are The Five Most Annoying Online Coffee-Ordering Employees of the Future:
1. The Caffeine-Deprived Complainer. "OMG, my head hurts, I need coffee noooooooow!" Get used to hearing your caffeine-deprived co-workers complain until their morning coffee arrives. "I ordered it 5 minutes ago, and it's still not here! Why is it taking so long?" You'll be rooting for delivery as much as they will be, both because you feel their decaffeinated pain and you want them to stop filling you to the brim with workplace angst. Heart-shaped whipping cream on top not included.
2. The Indignant Orderer. The coffee arrives, and it's all wrong! Your co-worker ordered the SKIM hazelnut latte, not the whole milk mocha latte with extra chocolate sprinkles. Not only does everyone in the office get to feel uncomfortable watching this co-worker berate a flustered third-party delivery employee, they now know exactly how this co-worker takes his or her coffee down to the last detail. Prepare to spend the next 30 minutes listening to this co-worker complain while a new cup of coffee is en route.
3. The Office Panhandler. I assume it will be proper to tip the coffee delivery guy for the delivery service, just like we do the restaurant delivery guy (or gal)? What this means for you: Get used to the pocket-padding, wallet-surfing co-worker who asks, "Hey, do you have any cash on you so I can tip the coffee delivery guy?" Your co-worker forgot to leave an online tip, or prefers to tip in-person based on how he or she rates the delivery service. Your department may need to start a spare change jar for this reason.
4. The Party Pooper. You're taking a break to go on a coffee run when this co-worker sniffs: "Oh, you two are going out to get coffee? I just ordered a grande mocha latte online, so I can sit here and get even more work done. Buh-bye!" Congratulations, your workaholic co-worker has found a new way to one-up you in the productivity department! Butts in seats, coffee en route. Before you know it, the entire department feels the pressure to work through their coffee breaks, which, as I noted the other day, isn't always a bad thing. Breaks are for closers. Still, having to justify your daily coffee run doesn't sound fun, and you were looking forward to venting about the workaholic co-worker, weren't you?
5. The E-xcited Trendsetter. Look everybody! I just ordered a cup of coffee online and it's being delivered to my desk! Awesome! This employee could be talking about it for the rest of the day, telling everyone how they can do it, too. And it's so easy! Just go to this web address or download this app on your phone and now you can...blerg. The rest of us may need an extra cup of coffee to deal with this daily grind. And don't make it decaf.
Will any of these workplace "situations" actually take place once the Starbucks delivery service is up and running? Who knows, but I'm willing to bet on human nature. People are people, and as I noted, we can be very particular about our coffee.
How will companies handle any unintended consequences in the workplace? Will some of them say: "No more! Coffee delivery represents too much of an employee distraction!" You'll have to leave the building on your scheduled breaks again whenever you want a cup of coffee***. Bummer. Well, it's nice to get outside and you do need to vent, after all.
*** Drink the coffee in the break room? Get real!
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